Tag Archives: #Nathancuty

What is an interracial household?

The reason I am writing about it today is that we are basically still in process of making our apartment a homely home. We have done much already as you could see few months ago in this articles about our new apartment. But still, it seems something is missing. I am perfectly fine as it is and also my wife usually doesn’t miss anything but it is just not as cozy as it used to be in our old 40m² apartment.

DSC02814I have been living together with my wife now for  five years. During that time we visited many other couples WMAF (White Male Asian Female) with all kind of different homes and decorations. But there was never any household were one could say that this must be a typical interracial household when it comes to mix the best of those two different cultures. Sometimes it was just too overloaded with cheap looking Chinese decoration and sometimes the exact opposite. In the end it depends of course on the taste of the individual person.

 

In some of the homes we visited it totally looked European. I mean there was sometimes nothing at all that might suggest that a Chinese woman was living there. For example here in Germany we visited one couple with two children and basically everything was just German, the woman even talked only German to the little kids as they did not know anything about the language and didn’t like it  same as Chinese food…I am not trying to say that this is bad but it is also very weird as in Finland we never encountered something as drastic as this one.

 

Since we have been here my wife tried to find her spot here in the little Chinese community and always heard the same thing. The DSC02811children do not speak any Chinese, just German. Sure they knew some of the basic words you learn also in a Chinese language course in the first couple of lessons but that’s it. The main problem so far here as been always that in kindergarten they only speak German. Okay that is itself not a problem but they do not have any possibility to learn any Chinese except when the mother might talk to them few words in her native language. In Finland for example we never saw that anyone had this language problem as they offered in many Chinese communities for the children Chinese classes, both writing and talking. This however is most likely different here as my hometown is just too small and that the few dozens interracial couples are not enough to start such Chinese community center.

 

DSC02796Now I am wondering how our son will fare with his language skills. As I wrote before it is very hard to get into a kindergarten here so we are still on various waiting lists. Furthermore we speak to him in Chinese, English, German and Finnish. This is surely much to handle to such a little brain but without a doubt possible if we stick to our roles and each one of us talks only in one language to him (my wife Chinese, my mother Finnish, my father German and last but not least the most important person: ME in English).

 

So what have we managed so far when it comes to create some mixed household? Well, we have some Chinese decoration still from our old apartment which we spread out all over our home. Then there is of course the wonderful Chinese food my wife is making plus trying to make good contacts with the few Chinese here. Furthermore we are planning to buy some nice artwork in our next journey to China such as a big wall scroll for the living room. Even though we try to get our home more homely we also try our best to maintain a modern design at least for most of the rooms (Nathan’s room will be a total different matter as we will try to stick to a very certain theme and once it is done I will of course write about it). In the end we have right now a mostly European designed home with few things here giving a hint that there is someone from China living here.

 

What is in your opinion typical in such a household? What are your experiences?

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Nathan’s 1st Birthday

Yesterday, the 21st of February, was Nathan’s first birthday. To think that it is already a year since he was born is quite hard to grasp for me as it feels like it just happened few weeks ago. So what do you do when a kid turns one year? My wife got all the answers!

Really, in case the birthday party had been planned by me we would just go out eating with the family  but of course that is not enough for her. My wife had big plans, very big plans for this birthday of Nathan including several cakes and more than enough guests at our home.

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Nathan looking forward to the start of the party

 

First of all lets talk about the guests. Naturally my parents were invited and my brother with his girlfriend. To bring some more children to this birthday my wife invited my cousin and her husband together with their four children. Last but not least some people from her German language course were invited with one having a baby girl just one week older than Nathan. (however she is already able to walk for three months now while Nathan just did his first steps without support few hours ago!)

Now to the food. That was some rather intense topic as we had to drive to several shops to get all the right stuff. I offered my wife to go alone and buy everything so she can prepare more at home for the party but this didn’t work out. Why you may ask, well, I would need  a grocery list  but my wife just said “I don’t know what we need, I will know when I see it.” Great planning there! As we had already more than enough to do preparing everything for the celebration my mother got the task to prepare two cakes and my brother’s girlfriend has to create the real birthday cake for Nathan.

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My brother with his three cousins twice removed and our rabbits

 

One might think that there just has to go something wrong because at least when I plan something like this there is always something which gets messed up. But big surprise, nothing went wrong at all. All the food was ready just in time when the first guests arrived. Furthermore all the guests were coming at the right time, something I have never experienced before as there was usually always someone who was very late or had suddenly other plans. Perhaps Nathan is cute enough so people don’t want to miss his birthday and of course free food? Or am I just used to the daily craziness in this family so I always expect the worst to happen?

After the main meal was done my wife brought the birthday cake to Nathan. The little one got a birthday song by all of us and then he was allowed to get closer to the cake.  As he is still a bit too young to blow out the candles his second cousin Paul had to do it for him. After this my wife had a little game planned for Nathan. We placed several items in front of him such as a sports medal, pen, calculator and so forth and then we set him lose on those items. The idea behind it was that the item he grabbed first would be then his “future” profession. As he grabbed the pen my wife believes that he will be an author later. It seems me trying to read to him “The Hobbit” has already paid off.

The kids chosing their snacks
The kids chosing their snacks

From here onwards more eating continued, more noise by all the children, drinks were spilled and the trash mountain in the kitchen grew taller and taller. In between we opened the presents for Nathan and he was allowed to try out each one of them…with his mouth. He just still loves to try to eat everything he can grab such as his favorite chewing toy: The Glass Table!

Now its been already a day since the birthday party and we are still exhausted. To have so many children over and prepare this kind of birthday party is certainly draining your battery quickly. However something exciting happened today and that is all about Nathan doing his first steps on his own. So now I will leave the blog post as it is and try to videotape him testing his walking skills.

 

How are your experiences from birthday parties, your own and those of your children, or even grandchildren?

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Moving Abroad with a Family

During the past decade I moved frequently around. No matter to which city or country I moved, I never had trouble adjusting relatively easy again and again. My wife was the same, no troubles adjusting to the new environment even when she moved from China to Finland. So when we decided to move to Germany we did not think at all that it might be a bit different moving as a family abroad instead of a single person.

The thing is when you move alone to a new place there is not too much to consider. You basically have your stuff, perhaps some furniture but whatever you have to organize it is just for yourself. Not for anyone else. This is a bit different when moving abroad as a family. First of all you have out of nowhere extremely much things to take with. When we started to pack our things last summer we were overwhelmed by the amount we had. Clothes, kitchen stuff, furniture and all kind of other things. Even after we sold nearly all of our furniture or gave it away to some friends we still had just too much for the two cars we had available. The situation was a bit different when I moved from apartment to apartment back in the day. You know, one car was more than enough to move all my stuff, that’s all!

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We even had stuff on top of the cars but still much was left behind in our cottage…

 

Once we arrived in Germany a bureaucratic procedure marathon started. There was first of all the issue of getting the residence permit for my wife. Getting this residence permit itself was relatively easy as we had been married already for a few years and because our son has the German nationality. But it still resulted into a challenge as the office was only opened for a few hours a day. Furthermore as I mentioned before Germany seems to have missed the beginning of the digital age thus everything created a huge paper mountain of work. All in all it took about six-weeks until my wife received her residence permit. Considering that we spent only about half hour in the office it is interesting to see how much time passes by until those papers can be processed/ receive a stamp!

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Another thing when moving with a baby, much less space due to the baby seat!

 

Besides this residence permit there was the matter of registering both my wife and our little boy Nathan in this city. Then we needed a health insurance which was a whole other mess worth an entire blog post. In short form it required me to apply to unemployment benefit even though I was not eligible to receive it (both the staff and me knew it right from the beginning). In order that they could process the papers I needed to hand in tons of translations from all kind of documents which themselves cost a small fortune. But as we were anyways not eligible to receive this unemployment benefit we just wasted this money for nothing because in Germany “Ordnung muss sein” and thus could not get any health insurance, no matter what we tried. Only me getting a job rescued us as I finally could get all the needed insurances for us. In case one of us would have become suddenly ill we would have not been able to pay for it. One week after we got the family health insurance little Nathan got sick. Just  an ear infection and fever, nothing dramatic but it showed how important a health insurance is. All the treatment received without a health insurance would have cost us roughly 600 Euros! But thanks to the insurance we payed laughable 4 Euros…

 

What other troubles there are for a family? Usually in most country moving2families try to find a nice kindergarten which is nearby. Here in Germany it is slightly different. There are just too few kindergartens in this country resulting in huge waiting lists. We signed up Nathan already one year ago in one kindergarten here during our holidays. Few days ago I received a note mentioning that he is still on the waiting list on spot number 278. WHAT 278? Yeah, right…Because of this we signed him up at different kindergartens around the city in the hope that we might get a spot before he starts elementary school. I am not kidding!

 

I know I know, most things could have been handled better by actually preparing to move to this country as a family and not just with the experiences we had by moving around as a single person. But then again there are a few things which simply depend on the person handling your case for example at the health insurance or at the unemployment office. Why am I adding this? Well, after I finally got this job here I got to know that it is no problem to get a health insurance without a job or receiving unemployment benefit. You simply need to pay higher fees but it is also more work for the person filing your papers and thus they just pretend that it is not possible…

 

Right now I am just happy that my wife does not moving3want to have her parents here in Germany nor do they want to move later here. In every country in the European Union it is a hard process to be able to invite parents from the “Outside” to live with you. It is hard but possible. This can not be said about Germany. Only in rare cases you can do this for example if the home country is a war zone or similar bad things…or you just simply have very much money. However it would be also nice to have her parents here to live as a big family together. Right now only my parents have the joy to be with our Nathan every day, my in-laws only see him through some video chats.

 

Anyways I am happy what we have managed thus far. In July my wife’s German language course is ending after which she will get a B1 certificate, Nathan might even get his kindergarten spots one day and I will just have to pull through my job.

 

What are your experiences when moving abroad?

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