Category Archives: Mom in Law

Crazy Euopean People, Mom in Law

Adventures of my mother in law

11 Comments

Few days ago my mother in law arrived for her three-month visit. Usually there shouldn’t be much to write about yet as it takes few days until her crazy stuff begins but this time she outdid herself. It already started at the airport here in Finland. I believe she just can’t wait to give me material to write about.

The day started pretty normal except that her flight was suddenly one hour early but this didn’t cause us any sweat as we live only 15-20min away from the airport. We managed to arrive just few minutes after the plane landed so we were in no hurry as it takes some time for the passengers to leave the plane and get their luggage. So we waited in the arrival hall, waited a bit more and waited even longer until we stayed there for over one hour. All the time we saw other Chinese passengers from the same flight passing us by but no sign of mother in law. We called some friends who are working at the airport to check the gate and the luggage claim but they could only tell us that there were no Chinese people left in those places and that the sign for the flight from Chongqing was gone as well from the luggage claim.

2012-09-28-415
Mother in law with her daughter in the 90’s

What had happened to my beloved mother in law? We knew she boarded the flight as she had sent a message before shutting off her phone in the plane and the Helsinki airport is pretty tiny so there are not really many places for her to hide from us and our friends. We went to the information center and made some calls but still nothing. On the way back to the arrival hall we saw a group of people, a very emotional mother in law in company with a not so happy looking border guard and a smiling translator.

The border guard and the translator told us then what all went from after she had left the plane. Apparently she did not go through the passport control but through the transfer area where she ended up in the middle of the airport again. After she got some advice from other people she found her way finally back to the passport control but there a new dilemma started. Sure she had her passport and flight tickets but they also wanted to see her invitation letter which she received from us so she could even get the visa. After much discussion in some special room for passport and visa problems the border guard told her “If we don’t find your daughter in the arrival hall we have to send you back”, wow, very nice, I wonder how he would feel if his mother is in a foreign country and is suddenly forced to show some papers no one even knew before to have with them at the airport…

Mother in law at our wedding (don't we just look creepy with blurred faces?)
Mother in law at our wedding (don’t we just look creepy with blurred faces?)

All ended well, they found us/ we found them and mother in law was allowed to pick up her luggage and leave the airport to come with us. Now we have a full apartment, the noise level is constantly high that I don’t even dare to concentrate on any kind of task which requires my head and hopefully our baby will be born in one of these days.

 

Now I hope that the next posting will be about our baby to be born or it will be about further adventures of my mom in law.

Crazy Family, Mom in Law

How have you been lately?

2 Comments

The closer mom in law’s arrival day for her next visit gets, the more my wife gets frustrated. Not so much by the fact that she will have to endure her own mother for three months, oh no, it’s the calls and messages she receives from her mom. It goes even that far that my wife tries to ignore the calls at some days or not even looking at the messages and the reason is very simple: She knows exactly what her mother will ask her again.

Let me give you an example of a normal conversation those two are having

Mother in law: “You are everyday home, why you don’t call me?”
Wife: “Because there is nothing new to talk about, you ask me the same things over and over again every single day!”
MIL: “I see, so how have you been lately?”
W: “Exactly this mom!! You just asked me the same yesterday and the day before yesterday and all those days before! You think I wouldn’t tell you if really something would happen here?”
MIL: “I see, but what should I bring with me? I have no winter clothes yet, what winter clothes do I need?”
W: “Again mom! I know already for half-year that you don’t have winter clothes and we will buy everything necessary here, so stop it.”
MIL: “Are you sure? What should I bring for my grandson?”
W: “…”

And the conversation goes on …  surprisingly even though my wife loathes those calls they can take several hours a day.

I am especially amused by the part of winter clothes which comes up in every call. Not just because of the constant repetition of it but more because I know how much mom in law loves shopping (soon she might be a shopaholic). So each time she asks her daughter she tries to get something like a “permission” to go on a winter clothing shopping frenzy. Granted, she needs winter clothes but for the short time until we buy clothes together, she will get some stuff from us.

Mother in law in Stockholm with Royal Guard
Mother in law in Stockholm with Royal Guard

Do you have similar stories about calling your mom or family?

Crazy Family, Dad in Law, Mom in Law

What to do later?

4 Comments

 

This is something we have discussed a lot in the past years. “What to do later” actually means what do we do later with her parents when they need help.

Planing ahead on how to take care for your parents has in Asian countries a whole different meaning than in many European countries.

In Germany most elderly people are often pushed by their family into retirement homes rather than taken in by their families into their homes to be taken care of. In China on the other hand it’s the other way around. Even when those families do have money to send their parents to retirement homes, they prefer taking them into their own homes and either take care of them by their own or hire some nurse to help out.

 

I guess most Chinese living abroad have been wondering about the very same question rather much. This is because if they build themselves a life in a foreign country they would need to give it all up just be with their parents back in China. Why giving it all up? Well, the world is a cruel place and many countries make it under normal circumstances nearly impossible to get your own parents to stay with you. Sure there are exceptions, as I know some Chinese in Finland who own restaurants and basically get first either their mother or father to work there for 5 years to get a permanent residence permit and afterwards get the other parent as this one will get a residence permit immediately due to the permit of the partner. Indeed not an easy way.

 

Now back to my story. As we plan to move soon back to Germany it will be pretty much impossible to get her parents to stay with us later. The law in Germany is pretty strict and chances are close to zero to ever getting her parents live with us. My wife pretty much doubts also that her parents would feel comfortable in such a different environment.

They are happy in China and life is so very different in Europe.

So what does it leave us? We have actually no clue at all. We have been discussing this topic so often that it is currently on hold because neither of us wants to think about it anymore. Not only because it is so complicated but also it is just awful to think ahead and imagine your own parents in a condition that they are in dire need of you.The only thing we can think of is either hiring professional help later in form of a nurse helping them out in their own home or somehow finding a very good retirement home (which are often incredible expensive and at the moment out of our league).

 

Many might say “Just move to China!”. It is not as easy as it sounds and you never know when this situation of need might occur. Maybe it is in the middle of your own children’s school education or during important project work for your company, can you just leave everything behind like that and start entirely anew? Furthermore, my wife has no wish to ever move back to China. For her, a month staying for holidays in China are already too much, she hates the pollution, the noise, and the people (the mass of them and mostly their behavior).

 

As you can see, we still have much to figure out. We doubt that the migration law in Germany will change anytime soon in our favor in this situation so we really have to create other plans for the future.

 

Do you have similar troubles when thinking ahead in your life?

 

P.S. as this blog is titled “My Crazy Chinese Family” I did not talk about my own parents who are actually a whole bit older than my parents in law. But do not fear, I have no wish to send them to some retirement home and thus far my wife shares my opinion.