Over the years I had way too many blog posts about crazy mother-in-law and the rest of her family but something happened this week. After a long long call with her Aunty, my wife R. figured out something amazing as she turned in the car towards me and said “I’m going insane, my mom’s family is crazy, just so crazy!”. Only thing I could answer was “I figured that out years ago Dear”.
My wife R. can be sometimes a bit slow when things are not about our business but I was surprised it took her 32 years to figure out that her mom’s family is crazy. The whole crazy family dawned on me some when around 2013, after being together with my wife for three years. Back then I also started this blog as a mean for self-therapy to deal with all the insanity I had encountered in China and when MIL came to visit. In 2016 I had a rough summary about MIL’s side of the family, describing the different character rather well. However back then I judged Uncle’s character totally wrong as his greed for money showed this summer as he didn’t want to pitch in money for Granny’s medications for her cancer (wasn’t even his money, he didn’t want to give the retirement money of Granny which he always keeps for himself).
So what happened that R. figured out about her crazy family? I think the turning point was that call with Aunty as she told her that she cannot pay for the medication any longer as she is basically bankrupt. How is that possible out of nowhere, well she has also a nasty character. She started few years ago a small company for hair products with her best friend and it was doing really well. Things stopped going well when she had a fight with her friend forcing her to leave the company. Aunty ain’t good with money so it was just downhill from that point onward. In fact she is never good with money, she even kind of scammed her other former friends and neighbors into a snowball system leaving all of them without any of their hard saved cash. Due to her lack of money she now forces her sister (MIL) to pay all of the medication pretty much alone, hooray for this great family.
Besides that call from Aunty my wife also had tons of video chats with her dad in the past weeks. He always calls her when he cannot take MIL’s behavior anymore and then they kind of gossip about that crazy mom for an hour or so each time to give their frustration some outlet. There is really some reason why MIL is never invited to any family gathering in China, everyone kind of hates her. Aunty is also on a good track towards getting redlined from the family. When Aunty’s daughter calls from Japan she also only can complain about her mother and was going crazy when she stayed in Japan in the beginning of the year for several months due to having her first child (insanities including pressing the fire alarm button multiple times in the apartment and destroying some of the kitchen).
So yeah, now my wife figured out that there is something not quite right with her mom’s family, let’s see when she starts a blog for self-therapy!
Do you know people who really need a long time until they figure out that there is something odd about somebody else?
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Crazy Chinese Family 
I think those of us who’ve grown up with insanity are the last to recognize the dysfunction. We’re used to it, we think it’s normal until we see other families. Or until we have kids of our own and realize we would never treat them the way we were treated. So your wife is actually doing quite well to have figured it out!
Yeah, my wife also said that in case her mom would have moved to Finland with her back when she started her studies, one of them would have been dead by the end of the first semester 😅
Truth.
Well, to be fair to your wife, she’s Chinese and the culture is very different than ours. Also, it’s her mom. She’s allowed to have a blind spot or two about her own mother. There could have been denial in there as well. It’s hard to say. If she has had regular complaining sessions with her father over the years then it’s safe to say she has known for some time.
I’m very sorry to hear about your problems. Family ones are the WORST. And trust me, you are not alone or unique in your issues. I’m not sure if that’s depressing or comforting, but there you have it.
Family problems such as this are terrible. The mother of my uncles ec wife recently died due to cancer. All three kids agreed to take care of her but in the end only the ex wife was taking care if their mother and the siblings were strictly against sending the mom to a retirement home to help taking care. When the mother died all the other siblings and their families were celebrating with champagne and wine due to the money they inherited. They only did not want the mother in a retirement home as that would have reduced the inheritance! What sick people are out there.
Yes, I agree, and I’m sorry to say I understand this all too well. I’m not speaking to my cousins right now due to the mistreatment of my grandmother due to similar reasons.
I don’t get why family can behave like that when something like this happens. In the case of my wife’s family and the one I mentioned before it is all about the money for them, nothing else matters:(
I know, it’s sad.
Reading what you have told before about he uncle not wanting to pay for Granny’s treatment and now that thing about people celebrating when mother died because they inherited money is just… You know, Chinese people are very proud as culturally elders stay at home with their children and are taken care their whole life. Many Chinese people believe on the other hand that in the west we don’t take care of old people and we “throw them away” to nursing homes. But I’ve heard soooo many similar stories of people here not wanting to spend money on old people… that I just can laugh when they say anything about “the west”. Yeah, right. BTW a big part of this problem would be solved in China, as a COMMUNIST COUNTRY FFS, provided government sponsored health care. Dunno, like those evil countries in the west (because the west is not only the US…).
End of rant, hahaha.
Yeah, heard also many stories such as mine from others in China. In case of the celebrating family that one is actually from Finland, the family was always proud of how they take care of their family but as soon as money is involved…
Had to listen so many times how chinese told me how we western people discard their parents once they cant live on their own any longer but then again I haven’t seen even one time that they were “handled” better in China.
Don’t start with health insurance and providing for the elderly in china. Alone the medication for granny costs around 1500 euros every two months! Nothing covered by the insurance. In germany the same medication you only need to pay 15€ on your own!! Makes me just sick.
In april I wrote about a friend who passed away in China. Well the daughter(6 years old) had an accident, landing badly on her back of the head and had a concussion + bleeding in the brain. Thing was that the doctors wouldn’t perform the life saving surgery till the mother paid for it (seems you need to pay upfront and then get part of the money back from the ibsurance). Well, we and other friends all sent money to save the girl, as the mother had still all her money stuck in investments till the end of the year. Seems just like you are worth nothing when you cant afford the hospital and should better die while as the rich can get everything, very communist…
I really like your beautiful blog. A pleasure to come stroll on your pages. A great discovery and a very interesting blog. I will come back to visit you. Do not hesitate to visit my universe. See you soon.
Thank you for checking out my blog though there hadn’t been any updated for the past months due to this insane situation.